A Reason to Stay Read online

  In the time it took for her to draw in a breath, her whole world was shattered. Jake’s lips touched hers, searing her skin, melting her soul. The touch was light, tentative at first. Not unlike the friendly kisses they had shared so many times before. But in an instant, the pressure deepened. His lips were full against hers and completely still for a full second.

  Then his tongue darted out, tracing her full bottom lip. When a soft gasp parted her lips, he took advantage, slipping his tongue inside her waiting mouth. Her tongue met his as they tasted each other for the first time. Thunder crashed in Ellie’s ears and lightning soared through her veins.

  He tasted like beer and egg rolls and Jake. There was no other way she could describe the sweet, overpowering taste that had nothing to do with food or drink. The kiss was gentle, heartbreaking, soul searing, new, familiar, wrong, and right, all at the same time. Then it was over. Jake hesitantly pulled back. First just an inch, then fully back, until the full space between them was restored.

  Moments passed as they stared at each other, each searching the other’s face for a sign, a meaning for what had just happened. War raged within Ellie. Every emotion imaginable was racing through her, sending her thoughts into a jumble. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, or even what to feel. The wrong word, the wrong movement, could bring their friendship crumbling down around their ears. Despite the dangers, Ellie couldn’t ignore the overwhelming sense of loss and coldness she felt without his lips on hers. Now that she’d felt it, tasted him, it wasn’t enough. One split second moment of bliss was not enough.

  The dull ache in her stomach that was a constant companion whenever Jake was near began to grow. It was like a monster throbbing inside her. It expanded from her middle to around her heart, branching out to her legs and arms until her entire body was filled with a pulsing, aching need for Jake. Warning bells went off in her brain. Don’t do it, they cried. He was just being comforting. It was just a kiss. It didn’t mean anything to him.

  But Ellie was beyond listening. It didn’t matter anymore if it was just a kiss, if it didn’t mean anything to him. She’d tasted a tiny bit of him, and she wanted, no, she needed more. Friendship be damned! It was probable that once they parted company tomorrow their friendship would be doomed anyway. Oh, they might call occasionally; maybe he would come to visit once or twice. But then they would get busy, and it would fade out. At least now she would know what it felt like to be kissed by him. But that hadn’t been a kiss, not a real kiss, not near enough to know what it really felt like to be in his arms.

  Wordlessly, and secretly praying she hadn’t read the signals all wrong, Ellie leaned into Jake. The moment their lips met his arms flew around her, dispelling all of her fears of rejection.

  Though it had been Ellie who had initiated the kiss, Jake quickly took control. Shoving his fingers into her hair, he pulled her closer.

  This kiss was nothing like the first. The shy exploration was gone, replaced by an almost violent passion, a need they couldn’t put to words. They drank of each other, tongues warring, plundering.

  Coherent thought fluttered from Ellie. She was a mass of raw emotional need, the need to taste and touch. Her arms had wrapped themselves around Jake of their own volition, and now her hands were exploring him through his t-shirt. Even through the thin material, his heat burned into her, beckoning her. It only took her a moment to slide her hands under the material and come into direct contact with his hot, smooth skin.

  As he tore his mouth from hers and trailed his tongue up to her ear to nibble on its lobe, her fingers played over the sharp contours of muscle in his back and chest. A deep, throbbing ache began between her legs. She leaned further into him, wanting to touch every inch of his body, but his hand came up between them. At first, Ellie thought he was pushing her away, and a deep sorrow began in her heart. But as she felt him gently cup her breast, the sorrow turned into hot desire.

  His touch set her on fire through the thin material of her nightshirt. Her breasts swelled and her nipples hardened under his skillful caress. She was sure steam would be rolling out of her ears any second now.

  Gently he pushed Ellie back on the couch, following her down, his lips never leaving the spot on her neck where he was tasting and licking. Grasping the hem of his shirt, she tugged upwards, wanting it out of her way so she could fully explore and touch him. He pulled away just long enough to peel off the shirt and toss it aside. The sight of him leaning over her, his chest bare and his eyes dark with desire, made Ellie’s mouth go dry.

  He lowered himself back down to her, but instead of returning his lips to hers, he brought them to her breast. One hand kneading her breast, pinching the nipple into a tight little nub, he covered the other with his mouth, wetting the material that clung to it. Fire shot through Ellie, turning her blood into rivers of molten lava. Jake's free hand was skimming up her thigh, but stopped at the hem of her nightgown. Putting one hand on the cushion on either side of her head, he pushed himself up and leaned over her.

  "Ellie, if you want me to stop, you have to say so right now."

  She stared up at him, her fuzzy mind not quite understanding. Her, want him to stop? Was he out of his mind? That was the last thing she wanted!

  He went on, "I want to take this shirt off of you, but if I do, there will be no turning back. I want you, but you’re in charge. Say the word, and this stops. But I’m warning you, if this nightgown comes off you, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop." His words finally penetrated the fog around her brain. He was giving her an out. It was like a no harm, no foul clause. They’d just shared the hottest moments of her life, but if she wanted to put the brakes on, now was her chance.

  Ellie pushed him off of her and stood. Then, as he watched wide-eyed, she grabbed the hem of her nightshirt and pulled it off over her head.

  "Oh, Holy Hell! You’re beautiful!" His statement was quiet and breathy, almost a whisper.

  Ellie bent to join him back on the couch, but his swift cry stopped her dead in her tracks. "No!"

  Fear gripped Ellie. Was he doing what he’d given her the opportunity to do? Was his suggestion to her only a way of saying he didn’t want to go further, but also trying to save her the embarrassment of being turned down?

  He quickly answered her unspoken question when he stood and said, "Not on the couch. Not like this."

  Then, to Ellie’s utter amazement, he swept his arm behind her knees and lifted her into the air.

  "Oh, Jake, put me down!" she protested. "I’m too heavy."

  But Jake ignored her pleas and carried her through the living room. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Ellie’s fear turned panicky.

  "No, you can’t carry me up the stairs. You’ll hurt yourself. Please, let me walk." Jake stopped, but didn’t put her down. Instead he grinned at her and said, "Ellie, honey, I carry men twice your size down ladders almost every day. I’m carrying you up to my room to ravish your body, and you can’t stop me."

  Heat flooded Ellie. Suddenly she didn’t want to stop him.

  Jake’s eyes twinkled and his grin widened as he went on, "But, if it’ll make you feel any better, I can throw you over my shoulder and carry you the way I carry them."

  Ellie laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck, making no more protests. He carried her up the stairs as if she were no more of a burden than a basket of laundry. It amazed Ellie. No man had ever picked her up, much less carried her up a flight of stairs without getting winded. It seemed there was no end to the things about him that made her love him.

  Not until they reached his bedroom and were next to his bed did Jake put Ellie down. Letting loose of her legs, he let her gently slide down his body. All of the laughter from the stairs was gone, leaving a tense and telling silence.

  "Oh, God, Ellie. You’re so beautiful." Jake’s voice was ragged with emotion, "I want you so much. But I don’t want to do anything you don’t want. Tell me now and this stops now."

  That was the second time Jake had cal
led her beautiful in just a few minutes. She was almost inclined to believe him. But it was also the second time in just as long that he’d offered to stop what they were doing. Was he really just trying to make sure she was sure? Or was he not sure himself, and wanted her to be the one to put on the brakes?

  She shivered as he ran one finger down the side of her neck and traced a pattern down her arm. No, Jake was sure. Jake was always sure about sex. And this time, so was Ellie. Consequences be damned! She wanted to feel his body on her, in her. She wanted to get lost in him. She wanted to pretend they weren’t having sex, but making love. That all of the love she felt for him was shared. She wanted him to be hers and she his, even if it were just for one night.

  Ellie looked up into his eyes and with a voice as steady as she could make it under the circumstances, said, "Make love to me, Jake."

  With a primal growl, Jake picked Ellie up again and laid her on the bed. Pausing just long enough for both of them to shed the remainder of their clothes, he joined her. They came together in a flurry of hands and mouths and tongues. Tasting and grabbing, trying to feel every part of each other.

  The fury in their touching mellowed into a sweet and slow exploration. It seemed neither wanted to rush this moment, but to savor it. Their hands and mouths roamed over each other’s bodies, caressing and exploring, finding the spots that made them gasp with pleasure.

  Jake followed the path of his hands with his mouth and tongue, kissing and licking over every inch of Ellie’s body. Resuming the worship of her breasts he’d started downstairs, he showered them with soft kisses before sucking each nipple into his mouth. Sweet flames licked over Ellie and she wasn’t sure if she was in heaven or in hell. Fireman Jake might put out fires every day, but he sure as hell knew how to start them, too!

  Then he started moving down. First his hands, lightly skimmed over the soft swell of her stomach, down the side where she was ticklish, making her giggle and squirm. Then over the curve of her hip to the soft, smooth skin of her thigh.

  His hand lingered there, gently stroking her inner thigh, stoking the inferno within her. She bucked, trying to get his hand closer to that ache between her legs, but he just ran his fingers further down her leg. To her utter joy, a few moments later his fingers trailed back up her leg, leaving little rivers of fire in their wake.

  His hand cupped the throbbing mound, the heat from his palm seeping into her already burning flesh. Ellie arched her back, pushing into his hand. More, she wanted so much more.

  Heeding her silent pleas, one finger slipped into her sweet, silky depths. She cried out as he came in contact with her clit. He rubbed over the hard little nub, causing little earthquakes within her. The intruding digit then slipped down, further sliding into her hot interior.

  Ellie, so caught up in Jake’s ministrations between her legs, didn’t notice his mouth's journey southward until she felt the hot wetness of his tongue wrap around the hard little ball at her core.

  In that moment the air rushed from her lungs. The cry that was torn from her was little more than a hoarse gasp. Threading her hands into his hair she pushed him into her, drowning in the sensations his wonderful mouth was causing.

  Her legs spread as if on their own, giving him full access to her. Cries filled the air as he kissed and licked and sucked, but Ellie wasn’t sure if they were real or just the echoes inside her brain. She couldn’t breathe; she was in such sheer, sweet agony. But she didn’t want him to stop. She was sure that if he stopped she would die, but also sure that if he didn’t she might die of pure pleasure.

  His tongue alternately bathed her clit and slid down into her steaming depths. His hands grasped her hips, kneading and caressing as his mouth drank from her sweetness. Higher and higher he took her, until she floated with the stars.

  The hot ball of crystallized need within her grew and grew until it burst, shattering into a million tiny shards that flew through her body. Bucking up one last time, she thought she cried out his name as she flooded him with her sweet juice, but she wasn’t sure if she had or it was her imagination.

  As she drifted back to earth, she vaguely felt him draw away from her. Through the hazy fog of pleasure that shrouded her she felt him lean over to the table next to the bed and heard the rustle of a foil packet.

  Before she had recovered enough to form a coherent thought he’d rejoined her, his body covering hers. His body heat seeped into her own cooling body, stirring the embers of desire until tiny flames shot up once more. He brought his lips to hers, capturing them in a deep kiss. She could taste herself on his lips. Desire shot through her.

  Her arms wrapped around him, holding him to her. She could feel the hot, hard length of his cock between her legs and wanted it in her, filling her.

  "Now, Jake. I want you now," she urged against his lips.

  Not needing any more encouragement he slid into her in one swift, fluid movement. Ellie gasped. She’d wanted him to fill her, and he did. Totally and completely, stretching her to the limits yet fitting perfectly.

  With a groan, Jake began to move within her. Slowly at first, but gradually quicker as desire and need overtook them, he plunged in and out of her silky sheath. Ellie wrapped her legs around him, urging him on, meeting his every thrust. She held him tight with her arms, her nails biting into his back.

  Jake tangled his hands in her hair. Their mouths fused together, each swallowing the other’s gasps and moans of pleasure. Ellie moved her hands down to Jake’s ass, pressing him into her, her nails biting into the tender flesh. Jake’s mouth moved to her ear, murmuring hot and lusty words that made her blood boil even hotter until the cauldron of lust and pure pleasure bubbled over. Her cries shattered the darkness as she went over the edge, taking him with her.

  Despite the shaking of her world, she felt him convulse within her and heard his hoarse cry of her name as came with her.

  ****

  Ellie snuggled deeper into Jake’s warmth. They lay there for an eternity, neither moving, neither speaking. They just lay there, Ellie with her head on Jake’s chest, Jake with his arms wrapped tightly around Ellie, their legs intertwined on top of the crumpled sheets, basking in the warmth left by their lovemaking.

  Ellie felt like she should say something, anything, but nothing came to mind. There were no words to express what was going on within her. Shocked, dazed, confused, scared and utterly satisfied all came to mind, but all seemed to fall short. Her body still tingled and burned from his touch. His arms, strong and solid around her, made her feel small and safe. They always had. She wondered what he was thinking, feeling. But she couldn’t ask.

  She couldn’t speak at all for fear of breaking the magic spell that seemed to have entrapped them. So she lay there, half on top of him, listening to his heart beat, feeling his chest rise under her hand with every breath. She committed every sound, every smell and every sensation to memory. She had no idea what would happen next, but she would always have this moment locked away in her heart.

  After a while—Ellie had no idea how long—Jake’s breathing became shallow and regular. She knew he was asleep. She shifted a bit and felt his arms tighten around her, as if to keep her from moving away. She had no intention of moving, not right now. She would steal every moment of his touch she could. His chest, which had seemed so hard moments earlier, now felt like the softest pillow she had ever known. Heaviness swept over her limbs as fatigue set in. Her body was tired and sated and she didn’t fight sleep when it overtook her. Instead she settled into sweet oblivion with a smile.

  It was around three in the morning when Ellie woke up. She knew this because the huge digital alarm clock was directly in front of her eyes as she opened them. For several moments that was all she knew. The haze of sleep still fogged her brain and it took a moment to register the hard, warm body curled around her. Who was this in her bed? No, not her bed. Jake’s bed. Jake! Oh God! Reality came crashing back to her with a force that nearly knocked the breath from her.

  She and Jake M
cCallister had made love only a few hours earlier. It was her best friend, the man she loved beyond all reason but could never have, holding her in his arms, his naked body pressed to hers. Ellie suddenly felt an irrational burst of self-consciousness and grabbed the sheet, clutching it to her breast. Sheet? Jake must have awakened and covered them while she slept. She realized she wasn’t lying with her head on his chest anymore, but on her side with Jake molded to her back. His heat seeped into her. Every inch of her backside, from her shoulders to her heels, was in direct contact with warm male flesh. One arm was under her head, the other thrown possessively over her waist, its hand cupping one of her breasts.

  His warmth was so inviting and delicious she couldn’t help cuddling closer. Emotions warred within her. What had happened? Oh, she knew what had happened, her body still held evidence of it. But the why, and what it meant, was lost on her. Confusion dizzied her.