A Reason to Stay Read online

  Only Ellie knew that. A pain shot through him. He couldn’t lose her. She was his best friend, the only person who truly knew him. Not to mention the fact that he’d had the best sex of his life last night. He was going to have to tell her how he felt. Even if it meant moving to Chicago, he would do it. He would do anything to make Ellie his wife. Now he just had to ask her. Jake was buttering the toast when he heard Ellie come down the stairs, enter the living room and call out, "I’m going to call the moving company to reschedule." He didn’t answer. He didn’t want to think about her leaving. He continued getting the breakfast together.

  A few minutes later she called out from the living room again. "Jake, I need a pen and paper to write this stuff down."

  "In the desk, top drawer," he called back, automatically. Picking up the plates of omelet and toast, he headed towards the kitchen table. He froze in his tracks. The desk. "Ellie, wait—" he yelled, but it was too late.

  He heard her voice, strained and bewildered, from the other room, "What the hell?"

  "Oh, shit." he muttered. The plates hit the table with a loud clatter, spilling egg and cheese and toast as he dropped them and ran towards the living room.

  ****

  Her world was crashing down around her. She’d tried with all her might to look at last night with a logical mind. She’d kept telling herself that one night would be enough, that she would take the memory of their lovemaking with her and not wish for more. But, now, at this very moment, she knew her heart hadn’t been listening. Deep in her heart she’d been secretly hoping that Jake would wake up this morning having magically seen the light and fallen in love with her.

  She’d been a fool. Jake might be in love with someone, but it sure as hell wasn’t her. She was holding the proof of that in her hand.

  Ellie choked back the sobs that threatened to overtake her. The deep sadness that filled her was a bottomless pit. It was hard to believe she’d been happier than she thought possible just fifteen minutes before.

  She had even sung in the shower. Even with the storm raging outside, the sun had been shining in her soul. Anything had seemed possible. Then she’d come downstairs to call the moving company. If only she could go back five minutes and not have opened the desk drawer, to not have found that ring box. She wished she hadn’t dropped the box while looking for a pen, and even more she wished the box hadn’t opened, spilling out its contents.

  Now she sat holding her Grandmother’s engagement ring in one hand and a note written in Grammy’s neat script in the other. The words from the note swirled in Ellie’s brain but her mind felt so fuzzy they seemed more like gibberish. She read the note again.

  “My dearest Jake, you have always been a grandson to me. That is why I am giving you this ring. It has been passed down from generation to generation and I wanted it to stay in the family. I can see the love in your eyes and know it is time to pass this to you so that you can put it on your true love’s finger. I know she loves you as much as you do her. Treat her well, and don’t forget to cherish every day you have together. Love, Grammy."

  "Oh, God!" Ellie groaned. How stupid could she be? Even Grammy had known Jake was in love with someone, but his best friend had been completely oblivious. No wonder Grammy had encouraged her to start dating. She’d known Jake was in love with someone else and that Ellie would always be just a friend.

  Grammy’s words echoed in her ears, "Ellie, honey, if I were going to spend as much time with a handsome young man as you do with Jake, he’d be my husband. Not just my best friend."

  Ellie couldn’t count the number of times Grammy had said those words to her in her last few weeks alive. She should have been putting all of her energy towards getting well, but instead she was trying to beat a little sense into Ellie’s thick skull. Could she have known how Ellie really felt about Jake?

  Ellie shook her head. No, she was sure Grammy hadn’t known. But she had known about Jake being in love with someone. She knew that once Jake committed to someone else there would be little room left in his life. So she’d tried to warn her granddaughter.

  Ellie had tried to heed the warnings. She’d quit her job, packed up all her stuff and was moving hundreds of miles away. But she’d been stupid. She couldn’t resist her hormones for one night, and now the pain that had been aching in her heart for so long, the pain of not having Jake, had finally exploded. The pain was so intense her body actually physically ached with it.

  "Ellie, I can explain."

  Ellie jerked around to see Jake standing a few feet away. Seeing him shot a white-hot bolt of fury through her. Yes, she’d been stupid last night. She’d risked her heart when she had known she shouldn’t. But she hadn’t known he had someone else.

  He had.

  In all of her years of knowing Jake she’d never known him to cheat, or lie, or in any other way purposely cause harm to a woman. But now he had. He’d held her in his arms. He’d touched and caressed her body, making her feel things she’d never felt before. And it had all been a lie. The sad part was, it wasn’t a lie to her. Making love to Ellie had been a lie to someone else. And he’d made her a part of that lie. Ellie, for the first time in her life, was the other woman. Her stomach churned, and she was suddenly glad she hadn’t eaten breakfast yet.

  "You can explain?" she shot at him, the venom in her voice surprising them both. "What can you explain? Oh, I know, I bet you can explain why, in those weeks when I was searching frantically for this ring, you didn’t tell me she’d given it to you. You can explain that you just let me assume it had been lost or stolen and she hadn’t wanted me to know."

  She flung the ring box at him and went on, the rage within her building. "Or maybe you can explain why Grammy would give you the ring instead of me? Well, no need. It’s all here in her letter. She obviously thought you a better candidate to actually use the ring than me. Why waste such a beautiful ring on a granddaughter who is so fat and hideous no one would ever want to marry her when she could give it to some stranger off the street."

  Ellie saw him flinch at her last words and knew she was being unfair. Jake had been as much of a grandson to Grammy as Ellie had been a granddaughter. Jake would have done anything for her, and quite often did. His own grandparents had died when he was a baby and Grammy held a special place in his heart.

  But Ellie couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t feel the remorse she should. The vile words tasted like acid on her tongue, yet she kept flinging them at him. Wanting him to feel a measure of the heartache she was feeling.

  “Or maybe you can explain about last night. You can explain to me why you fucked me last night, knowing you were about to propose to another woman!"

  Jake’s eyes widened in confusion. He opened his mouth to speak, but Ellie held up her hand, shushing him.

  "Save it. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear how you think you can charm your way out of this one, Jake. Grammy’s note is quite clear. There is someone. The wild ladies man has finally settled down. But you haven’t, have you? Or was I just one final fling before you popped the question? One final fuck just to say you did?"

  Ellie ignored the stunned expression that marred Jakes features. She kept on her tirade, afraid that if she slowed down for even a minute she would start crying. "Who is she, Jake? Who is the woman you made a fool out of by fucking me last night? Besides me. My God, I can’t believe I spent so much of my life loving you, believing in you. You’re nothing but a snake, just like the rest. Here you are with a woman waiting for you to propose, you even have the ring, and you spend the night fucking me. Twice. Oh, God!"

  The last sentence was a strangled gasp as a realization struck her solidly in the stomach, causing her to double over.

  "We didn’t use a condom. Oh, God. How could I have been so stupid? I could be pregnant and he’s going off to marry some other woman. Oh, Ellie, you are one stupid assed chick!" She was no longer yelling at him, but muttering at herself as she rocked on the sofa, holding her arms over her stomach. She coul
dn’t believe the situation she’d gotten herself into.

  "Ellie." Jake put his hand on her arm.

  Ellie shot up. "Don’t touch me. Don’t ever touch me again!"

  She knocked his hand back with such force he stumbled back onto the couch. Taking advantage of the moment, Ellie flew past him and out the door. She had to get away from him. Once she was outside, she wasn’t sure where she’d thought she would go. They were miles from town, her car was at her house, and it was storming.

  She paused on the steps of the wrap-around covered porch, trying to gather her thoughts, but when she heard the slam of the screen door behind her she raced out into the rain. She wasn’t fast enough. Halfway across the lawn his hand wrapped around her arm, jerking her to a stop. In one fluid movement he’d pulled her to him and his mouth was on hers before she could protest. The kiss was hard and punishing, yet full of desire. Even with the cold rain soaking her and chilling her to the bone, Jake's kiss was igniting a fire in her blood. Despite herself, she sank into him, letting his tongue plunder her mouth, giving him what he sought. Then he pulled back.

  Thwack!

  Her hand sailed across his face so hard her palm stung. Fury contorted his features. "Damn it, Ellie."

  Before she had a chance to register what was happening, Jake bent and grabbed her, throwing her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Ellie screamed and beat his back with her fists, but he ignored her and headed for the house.

  This was twice he’d carried her in as many days. If she weren’t so pissed off she would have thought it to be sexy as hell. But she was pissed, and as he made his way inside with her and started up the stairs, she made her anger perfectly clear. She called him every dirty name she could think of, but Jake just ignored her.

  When they reached his bedroom he went in, bumping her head on the doorframe. He turned and locked the door before dumping her, wet clothes and all, unceremoniously on the bed. As soon as she hit the bed Ellie turned to scramble of the other side, but Jake was too fast for her. He grabbed her leg and jerked her back, holding her still as he straddled her and held her arms down.

  Something akin to fear crawled through Ellie. In her heart of hearts she knew Jake would never hurt her. But she’d never seen him this angry before. Well, it served him right. She was angry too. But more than that, she was hurt. The pain of his betrayal curdled in her stomach. She opened her mouth to tell him just how hurt she was, but one hand clapped over her mouth.

  "Shut up, Ellie. Now, I’m gonna take my hand off your mouth and you’re gonna lay there and listen to me. Okay?"

  Eyes wide, Ellie nodded under his hand and he moved it back to her wrist. "You idiotic little drama queen!"

  "Oh, good way to endear yourself to me. Call me names! Now get off me, you big thug!" Ellie forgot her promise to be quiet and started struggling against him again. This time he silenced her with his mouth. Even as angry as she was, his taste had a drugging effect.

  Satisfied she was sufficiently subdued; he raised his head back up.

  “Would you just listen to me? That ring is for you, you little fool!"

  Confused, Ellie stammered, "No, it wasn’t. I saw the note. It was addressed to you."

  Jake laughed. "Oh, shit, Ellie. For such a smart woman, you can really be dense sometimes. I guess that’s why I love you so much, though. Grammy gave me the ring to give to you. There was no other woman that I was in love with. Only you."

  Ellie couldn’t breathe, and she was sure it had nothing to do with Jake sitting on her chest. He loved her? Had he really said that?

  Joy flooded her. But it met with resistance in the form of her anger. She was still mad.

  "What? You love me? Then how come I had to accidentally find that damned ring?"

  "Damn it, Ellie. Why can’t you just believe me when I tell you I love you? You always have to make things so difficult." His voice was taut with barely controlled rage. "I love you, but I don’t want to hold you back. I’ve been searching for a way to tell you for nearly a year. That’s how long I’ve had that ring. Grammy knew how I felt; she said you felt the same way, but I wasn’t sure she was right."

  The anger fell from his voice, his face softening into the same emotion she’d seen on his face last night but couldn’t put a name to. "I went over it in my head a thousand times. How could I tell you I love you? If you didn’t feel the same it could ruin our friendship. But I wanted to. Then, when I’d made up my mind to do it, I couldn’t figure out how to do it. Do I just blurt it out? Damn it Ellie, I’ve never been any good at this kind of stuff."

  Ellie was shell-shocked. She knew she should say something, but she couldn’t. Her mouth, for the first time in her life, wouldn’t work.

  Jake went on. "We’ve never been on a date, so how can I ask you to marry me? But we’ve been together nearly every waking moment, and a lot of sleeping ones, since we were 14. We’ve even lived together. How can the lack of official dating stand in comparison to that? I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

  Air rushed out of his lungs as if a great weight was lifted off his chest. "I’ve wanted to tell you that for so long. But first I didn’t know how, and then Grammy got sick. I couldn’t tell you while you were so worried about her. Then she died and you decided to go off to Chicago.

  "Ellie, I’m not a city kind of guy. But, I don’t want to stand in your way. I want you to be happy, and up until last night I was sure that letting you go was the only thing I could do. But I can’t do that now. Not after holding you in my arms. Not after making love to you. And certainly not with the possibility of you being pregnant with my baby.

  "If moving to Chicago is what will make you happy, then if you will let me, I’ll go with you. They need firefighters there too, and I guess I can get used to city life. What I can’t get used to is life without you."

  Tears rolled down Ellie’s face. She must have misinterpreted what Grammy had been trying to tell her. She hadn’t meant she should stop hanging out with Jake. She’d meant Ellie should marry him.

  Choking on her tears, Ellie smiled sweetly up at Jake. "But, Jake, I don’t want to move to Chicago."

  "What?"

  "I never did. I was only moving because I loved you so much. I didn’t figure you would ever settle down, and if you did, it wouldn’t be with me. I couldn’t stand to see you with other women anymore."

  Jake let go of her wrists and rolled on to the bed next to her, pulling her with him.

  "I never want to be with any other woman but you," he said softly, dropping a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose.

  "Promise?"

  "Promise."

  "Well, I guess that means I better go call and cancel the moving truck."

  Jake grinned. "Yep."

  Ellie pushed up off the bed, then stopped just short of standing up as if she’d just remembered something. "But, Jake, I’ve already closed on the house. Where am I going to live?"

  Jake’s face went white. "Um, here of course."

  Ellie smiled sweetly. "With you? But, Jake, I couldn’t do that! We’re not married. We’re not even engaged." She held up her left hand. "I don’t even have a ring yet."

  Jake tried to pretend to be exasperated as he slid off the bed and onto one knee. Looking up at Ellie he pulled the ring box she’d hurled at him just a few minutes before from his pocket and opened it, holding it up for her to see.

  "Will this one do?" He grinned.

  Ellie giggled. "Well, I guess if that’s all you got. I mean this is all last minute and everything."

  But her laughter died as Jake took the ring from its spot on the black velvet and slid it up her ring finger.

  "Ellie, you are the best friend I have in the world. You are my completion. Without you, I am just half. Will you please spend the rest of your life with me?"

  The tears started again, full force this time. Her answer was watery, "Yes, Jake."

  It was all she could say before he caught her to him in a soul-searing kiss.

  "Ther
e you go again. Crying at happy endings." Jake laughed as he wiped her tears away with his thumb.

  "Yeah, well, this time they are definitely happy tears." Ellie kissed him again.

  Several minutes later, when she’d regained her composure, she said, "I guess I should go call those movers now."

  Jake grinned and reached for the top button on her shirt. "That can wait. We need to get you out of those wet clothes first."